Posts tagged as:

The Book of Eli

As I gather my Bible, Torah, Koran, copy of Watchmen, and print of Dali’s St. John on the Cross, I ready myself for the inevitable uber-undulating of the Earth that will occur around 6pm EST. As I’m preparing to barricade myself in an Astoria apartment with silver bullets, whittled crosses of what used to be a dining set, and a makeshift machete fashioned from a refrigerator fan, I wonder whether Harold Camping, the 89-year old radio broadcaster,  Christian Evangelist and impetus of my paranoia was initially swayed by Michael Stipe, who initially prophesied the end of existence on the 1987 album Document when he proclaimed “it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, [and] an aeroplane.” Perhaps he wasn’t far off inasmuch as Camping has declared that 6pm on May 21st will bring “this tremendous earthquake that’s going to make the last earthquake in Japan seem like nothing in comparison. And the whole world will be alerted that Judgment Day has begun.” 1

These earthquakes will continue in succession as each time zone hits 6pm, which means that at certain moments you will be able to see territories that have been divided by human mathematics shake, undulate, and rupture while you stand on the solid ground beneath your feet, thanking the heavens that you and your family were dedicated individuals who “have quit their jobs and left their families to get the message out” like those who are “passing out tracts and reading the Bible” because they “don’t see the need for one more dollar.” 2

Within those with such dedication, I see something noble in trying to save as many lives as possible, and those who don’t listen only have themselves to blame for not listening to Camping, who, with “no formal religious training” 3 has only one time before made a prediction that didn’t come to fruition when he prophesied the end of the world in 1994, but he can’t truly be blamed for a math error that was caused by the denseness of Jeremiah, a rather intricate book in the Old Testament.  Besides, when publishing 1994?, he “put a big question mark after [the title], and in the book it also indicated that 2011 was also a good possibility,” so he was merely kindling fear, not necessarily mongering it.

This time around, the math has been meticulously reviewed and proves that “we know it is absolutely going to happen with no question at all.” After all, how could you doubt an equation that factors in the number of books in the Old Testament (46), the Deadly Sins (7), the Cardinal virtues (4), Jesus divided by pi, pi divided by Judas, the number of miracles performed (33) and is divided by the cosine of the Apocrypha (9). This time my friends, it is fool proof, not like the wealth of other biblical contradictions that condone and denounce slavery, homosexuality, masturbation, pre-marital sex, birth control, and capital punishment.

And, if there is any way to prepare for the beginning of the end of the world, it would be to refer to the most helpful tips provided to us by cinema:

As per 2012, a movie that missed the mark by a year but gets an honorable mention, we know that earthquakes and natural disasters chase cars and target specific people, so don’t try to run. It’s best just to stay in place as if you were evading a tyrannosaurus rex, one of those fictional monsters fabricated by opponents of intelligent design whose only evidence boils down to fossils.

When the earth similarly turns on us, we can always recall the wisdom of The Day After Tomorrow, in which we learn that large ships can navigate themselves through a narrow city covered in ice. But most importantly, wolves are survivors that are impervious to the elements, particularly when they hunger for blood from a perpetually brooding male figure that shows anger, frustration, sadness, and contempt all by crossing his arms and scowling.

We’ve also learned that it’s sometimes best to be rogue and worry about your own existence, but if you’re going to partner up with someone, it’s best to have an African-American in your corner. Morgan Freeman kept the heads of our country cool in Deep Impact, Denzel Washington became the preacher of a new civilization in The Book of Eli, and Will Smith saved the world from interplanetary annihilation in Independence Day and fought off a wealth of preternatural creatures in I am Legend. Lest we forget Tina Turner in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome?

If perchance, a Will Smith-type figure is not around or has been melted by a fire-weilding angel, it might be best to locate a down-on-his luck, trying to atone for his transgressions blue collar worker like Randy Quaid in Independence Day or Bruce Willis in Armageddon. Self-sacrifice is often an admirable quality in someone that is not you.

With that, I bid you all adieu and hope to see you on the other side of the apocalypse.

{ 0 comments }

The power of disasters and the potential of an apocalypse fascinate movie goers, usually during times of strife or near the end of a decade.  In the eighties, forty-six movies were released that focused on the dissolution of society as we know it, and most dealt with the threat or the consequence of nuclear war – alluding to the potential consequences of the newly born Strategic Defense Initiative, a space-based anti-ballistic missile defense system – and for this site, appropriately dubbed as “Star Wars” by its critics (this time without an English-accented princess who sounds like she’s from Brooklyn by the end of the film). 

The nineties only produced a dozen apocalypse-centered films, but flooded the screens with natural disaster flicks – often in tandem – to fill the difference and portend the end of civilization implied by the digital clock that would read 11:59 on December 31, 1999.   Producers covered comets in Deep Impact (1998), Asteroids in Asteroid (1998), a bigger asteroid in Armageddon (1998), volcanoes in Dante’s Peak (1997), Volcano (1997), and Volcano: Fire on the Mountain (1997), flooding in Hard Rain (1998) and Waterworld (1995), and the perpetuation of Ben Affleck’s career with Armageddon and Reindeer Games, which, by all accounts, was a disaster in itself.

So, it should be no surprise that the first decade of the new millennium – which went surprisingly unnamed, so I’m going with the “aughts” – ends with a handful of apocalypse-centered films in The Road, 2012 (working title: The Mayan’s Revenge), and The Book of Eli

Full disclosure: Cormac McCarthy is one of my favorite novelists, so I didn’t see The Road for fear that I would compare each scene to the book and predestine myself to obviate any enjoyment before entering the film, though I hear it’s pretty good. The previews for 2012 scared me away when they showed John Cusack driving a car, screaming into a cell phone, and fleeing an earthquake — an earthquake that appears to be chasing his car.  Sounds more like an HBO, I’m a bit too lazy to change the channel movie.  The Book of Eli fell conveniently in a two hour block that I had to kill before heading to a meeting.

Directed by The Hughes Brothers (From Hell), The Book of Eli marries conventional end-of civilization tropes by citing a giant hole in the atmosphere (global warming) as the cause of the burned, desiccated landscape that surrounds the dilapidated buildings and shanty towns that house the remaining survivors; in addition, the hole is exacerbated by nuclear activity (yay humanity’s love for nuclear holocausts!).  The dash of seasoning to this apocalyptic petit four is the hand of God — or rather the question of whether God is a fictional character created for the purpose of control, or the divine who breathed into our nostrils the breath of life and allows those spared from the apocalypse to regenerate humanity.

Regardless of how America became a wasteland, Eli (Denzel Washington) must trek to the West in order to deliver his book. Standing in his way is the aforementioned landscape as well as cannibals, a lack of water, a lack of food, and a group of rogue bikers who are sent out repeatedly to locate a single book that intrigues Carnegie (Gary Oldman), the despotic ruler of a small civilization in which he claims to “own” most of the people, particularly his blind love interest Claudia (Jennifer Beals) and her daughter Solara (Mila Kunis), who serves as both Carnegie’s concubine and prostitute-for-hire.

Clearly, the book that Carnegie wants is the book that Eli possesses, and without giving too much away, the book is The Bible, which begins the discourse between the power hungry Carnegie and those that need the word of God as salvation. 

The idea for The Book of Eli isn’t terrible, and the oft-used Divine-discourse allegory isn’t so heavy handed that it repels a viewer looking for some apocalyptic carnage, but the film disappoints when it forgets the scope of the film it has set forth.  For instance, in the first scene, the audience is placed in a leafless forest of gray, desiccated trees that serve as the backdrop for snow-white ashes falling from the sky. At the same time, the innocence of winter flakes is juxtaposed with the glaring sun that shines atop the screen, but implies a creepiness because these “flakes” never melt, prompting the question: What has been burning? Or, who?

This scene perfectly sets the audience up for a film of desolation and destruction. 

However, shortly after, this image of isolation is wiped away when the camera spends more time on Denzel Washington’s face. While Washington is a fine actor, shooting him closely does not add to the theme of desperation and survival. Instead, it asks him to be the vehicle for a film that should be driven by its isolation-steeped genre.  Likewise, the silence of the film is often broken by interjections of music. If the music were part of the scene, perhaps some that a character listens to, it could symbolize the last resource that a man or woman has to connect to the previous humanity. Instead, it often serves as a narrator or comic relief. 

I hear that Apocalypses are unpleasant, and moments are needed to break tension, but in The Book of Eli, these moments are trite and, most often, just campy. Aside from the music, there are strategically – yet obviously – placed markers that dance on the gray line of metaphor and silliness. As Washington makes his way West, he enters a path that is littered with road signs that read “Dead End,” “Do Not Enter,” and “U-Turn.”  These signs are eventually trumped in the third act of the film that finds an argument brewing between Claudia and Carnegie. As Carnegie sits disheveled and bamboozled behind his desk, Claudia triumphantly moves toward the door as the camera draws back to reveal a white piece of paper that hangs from the center of a closed book. Sharply written in black marker is the word “Ocean.”

Admittedly, some of the action scenes are rather cool, and Eli proves himself to be the ultimate machete-wielding badass, but there are some glaring holes in storytelling. And by glaring, I mean you could take every plot-problem from The Day After Tomorrow (except the damn wolves) and place them inside the ground zero-size hole of a twist at the end – which won’t please a single Atheist – but it whole-heartedly takes advantage of the aforementioned Divine Intervention angle.

DYL MAG Score: 6

{ 0 comments }