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Iron Man 2

Somewhere in the comic universe, there is a Mason-Dixon Line (a Stark-Wayne Line?) that separates Marvel from DC. Fierce battles take place across that line. As you may guess, dear reader, this is…not…one of them.

You’ve heard about Iron Man 2, right? It’s, like, the biggest movie in the world. Right now. (But not of ever. Some other movie has that title.)

The Losers? Well…that one is…not so big.

Which is to say that this post has absolutely nothing to do with fair fights.

Iron Man 2 represents the Marvel camp. It is, of course, the sequel to Iron Man, a pretty classic book that has gone in and out of print and gave great inspiration to the Ghostface Killah (never gettin’ iller). The sequel stars Robert Downey, Jr., an Oscar winner, the guy who toplined Angel Heart [SPOILER], and the hottest woman on the planet*. It was released in early May and has earned north of $250 million in North America since its opening. There’s a strong likelihood that you’ve already seen it. 

The Losers represents the DC camp. It’s a really old school comic from WWII that has kinda been rebooted a couple of times and lacks a cool rapper to give it any credibility. It stars Nancy Botwin’s dead husband, Stringer Bell [SPOILER], the guy who is about to play Captain America, Michael from The Lost Boys [RIP] and the hottest woman on another planet*. It was released in late April and has earned south of $25 million in North America since its opening. There’s a strong likelihood that you hated having to watch so many commercials for it during the closing weeks of the NBA regular season.

The tale of the tape is pretty obvious, huh? This match-up was a bit like asking a clementine to battle a Red Delicious apple. If the NBA play-offs hadn’t taken a couple of days off, it may never have happened. But they did. So it did. When I bought one ticket and watched both films a couple of nights ago.

Iron Man 2 is very six-y. That dude Dustin said so. I’m inclined to agree. To a degree. Any time you plop down to watch a movie that has the number 2 in its title, you can only really expect one thing: it’s gonna try to make another boatload of money based on all of the cool things that happened in the movie that preceded it. Hollywood is a business. No one has gone too far to see that. Iron Man 2 is an exercise in cool. And it works. Mostly.

I cannot say the same about The Losers. It’s also an exercise in cool. But it doesn’t work. Whereas Iron Man 2 made a sincere attempt to develop or expand a narrative, The Losers was just a collection of scenes where some kinda cool shit happened that involved some people who were trying to act cool, but the story didn’t tie together at all. It’s a popcorn movie that forgot to bring the butter. And the salt. Which is not necessarily a fail. But is really, really, really far from success.

To be perfectly frank, the best thing I can say about The Losers is that it provided an opportunity to see a trailer for this movie. Which looks like it could be the popcorn-iest movie of all time. Which ought to be a very cool thing. As long as the butter helps it all congeal properly.

WINNER: Iron Man 2.

LOSER: Screenwriter for The Losers.

*Denotes that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And you should probably go on ahead and behold that.

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Because of its rather unique take on superhero origin stories, Iron Man was quite enjoyable and offered a glimpse at the birth of a superhero from his purely embryonic origins. The initial need for superpowers was unnecessary as Tony Stark is depicted as an enviable character prior to his iron baptism – an affluent playboy who drives fast, philanders without remorse with woman who are satisfied with the fact that he has had their wrinkled and stained dresses dry-cleaned overnight so that they can slip out just as easily and cleanly as they slipped in. Only a smile crosses their face as they are dismissed by the secretary.

In other words, Stark was established as an archetypical superhero inasmuch as his charm and bank account allowed him to accomplish and experience things that are idealized to the point of being unattainable by the average person. Then the film makes him mortal, letting the audience see how quickly one can perish if in the wrong place at the wrong time. Suddenly, money matters not, but Stark’s saving grace is his intellect and his determination to survive. Forced to rely on his innate talents, the superhero and the audience have bonded, and in much more of a way than one could bond with Peter Parker, the awkward teen who is bitten by a spider or Bruce Wayne who watches his parents brutally murdered in front of him, but has enough fiscal resources and an erudite butler to help him adjust.

Stark becomes the every man; his sense of survival transitions from sexual conquests and cars to self-reflection and the overall ramifications that his perpetually burgeoning capital has on society; the question of how he exists within himself and as a part of the world that his is charged with corrupting through the manufacturing of decimating weapons takes center stage. And, at the end of Iron Man, when Stark tosses aside the 3×5 cards that feed him a cover-up story to announce that he is Iron Man, there’s a sense that he does it because he can’t return to being a fraud, the face of a company with causes irreparable damage. Or, I would have liked to think…

Iron Man 2 confirms that my reading of the first film is a bit wonky, and instead of continuing Tony Stark’s changed-man personage, Iron Man 2 devolves Stark’s character back to the chauvinistic playboy. While this was charming in the initial film, Stark’s character was saved when he becomes reflective. There is little reflection in Iron Man 2; instead, Stark and Iron Man have become commodities; commodities that Stark himself is manufacturing and marketing, primarily when he arrives on the first day of Starkfest — the yearlong gathering of techno-junkies that will unveil the newest revolutionary weapons, gadgets, and gizmos to grace the world stage – dressed as Iron Man before stripping of the suit to make a speech about how he will not talk about how many times he has saved the world. As Stark’s humility flies out the window, so does our connection with him as Iron Man 2 actually illustrates him as more of a snarky ass than a guy we might empathize with.

Overall, this snarky persona has a binary effect on the audience. To writer Justin Theoux’s and director John Favreau’s credit, this snarky persona is actually closer to the one illustrated by the Iron Man comic books. Tony Stark was never really a likable guy in the comics and his struggle between being a model asshole mogul often conflicted with the inner responsibility to stop bad things from happening. At the same time, Stark’s snarkiness also pushes the audience to care less about what seems to be the primary plot of the film – aside from forging a bridge to the Avengers movie that will come out soon – the fact that Tony is dying from palladium, the “element that is keeping [him] alive,” which the HAL-like voice reminds us of in a rather unnecessarily expositing voiceover. (Tony presses his thumb to a small gadget to find out his “blood toxicity” reading three times within the first twenty minutes of the film.)

One would think that this recognition of mortality might bring Stark back to the character that charmed us in Iron Man; however, his mortality juxtaposed with the faux immortality of the Iron Man suit impels Tony to act recklessly, which in one sense could be seen as a cry for help. Unfortunately, this potential cry for help becomes a way to kill twenty-five minutes of film and elicit some cheap laughs – more from fist-palming than from genuine comedy.

Segue: There is no bigger face-palm in the movie than when Howard Stark, Tony’s father, talks to him from beyond the grave and reveals that the invention Howard is most of proud of is “you”.  This is not a spoiler; if you can sit through this film and not predict the word that’s coming after the pregnant pause, boo.

Depressed and struggling with his impending death, which HAL reminds us again “will kill [him],” Tony gets trashed during his birthday party, and our first glimpse of him is as a DJ, dressed in the Iron Man suit, slugging Dom Perignon. In a way, this is sad. Truthfully, not sure what I would do if I knew I was going to die sooner rather than later, but after Don Cheadle dons his own suit and orders the guests to leave, he and Tony proceed to destroy Tony’s house while fighting to Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust,” which is a fine song, but prefaced by Stark requesting the late DJ AM to lay down a “beat.” In the end, the entire scene is an exercise in unnecessary footage.

Aside from relegating Stark to an annoying figure, which is actually a credit to Robert Downey Jr. who manages to make Stark simply annoying and not obnoxious, the film has some fine moments. The CGI is still rather stellar and the combat scenes involving Whiplash (Mickey Rourke), War Machine (Don Cheadle) and Iron Man are worth sticking around for, as is the preceding scene where chaos breaks loose at Starkfest. I promise, I’m not ruining anything. It’s a comic book movie. If you didn’t expect chaos, you’ve never read a comic book.  

Likewise, I was a bit hesitant about seeing Iron Man 2 because the previews were jammed with so many characters that it looked as if this would be the second coming of Joel Schumacher’s red-headedBatmanstepchildren, but surprisingly, the cast of characters don’t sink the film. Mickey Rourke’s performance is rather subdued, and while his character is important to the action that unfolds, it is also rather restrained and the revenge angle is not overly-complicated. Really, it serves to expose Stark as the snarky ass that he seems to be. 

In addition, Scarlett Johansson’s turn as Natalie Rushman/Natasha Romanov/Black Widow is also rather subdued, and the sequence where she takes out a dozen guards is quite well choreographed and not overly Matirx-y [sic?] And, Sam Rockwell, who is slowly becoming my number one for “Most Underrated Actor” does a fine job as the oblivious and thoroughly incompetent Justin Hammer.

In the end, the one thing that Iron Man 2 drove home for me was that Iron Man is not a very interesting character. He’s really just a man in an iron suit, and there was no need for a sequel aside for being a bridge to the upcoming “Avengers,” “Captain America,” and “Thor” – if you chose to stay around for three minutes beyond the credits – films.

DYL Mag Score: 6

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Oh? Wait? This isn’t a golf leaderboard?

Well then … It looks like some theater operator in Seattle is just clowning T-How out of fun and/or boredom. Good on him/her, even if he/she did spell his name wrong. That guy sucks. (image via Buzz Feed … h/t @treykerby)

I only called him T-How because I imagine that’s what he calls himself.

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I was making my way back home from Boston earlier tonight and — per usual — got stuck in some traffic in the not-so-great state of Connecticut. So I ended up missing most of the Oscar show. But apparently they just went ahead and gave out the awards without me.

Cool friends, guys.

You likely already know what happened, but we may as well give you the full list below. And, no, it’s not a misprint — Sandra Bullock now has an Oscar. I never bothered to see The Blind Side, but I’m guessing I will always prefer her character in Speed. Less white guilt and more bus driving. What can I say? I’m a sucker for protagonistas who lost their license for … let me finish … speeding and are then serendipitously tasked with jumping a 15-ton automobile over a highway gap in order to save the lives of a dozen of her fellow Los Angelenos. Call me old-fashioned.

Obviously, the even bigger surprise was that Avatar didn’t take home many statues, which was odd, but not something that I will shed many tears over even though I think The Hurt Locker was too flawed as a film (see: unnecessary final 15 minutes) to out-rank the technological and industry-changing achievement of James Cameron’s opus. This will probably really, really weird in 10 years when 2D movies don’t even exist anymore and our schools are no longer teaching kids that the Iraq War was a conflict so much as it was The Louisiana Purchase, Part Deux.

Whoa.

Sorry about that. I swear I was on my down to jokeville there and somehow took a left at political. Won’t happen again.

Most importantly, here’s the new, longer trailer for Iron Man 2. The person in the red and gold suit is for sure more important than talking about the people who won gold statues. (trailer via Super Hero Hype)

I was sold anyway. But, man … look at all those guys in superhero suits with guys. Yes, please.

And, oh yeah, here are those Academy Awards winners I promised you. You can see the other winners in the lesser categories over at IMDb.

Best Picture

  • Avatar
  • The Blind Side
  • District 9
  • An Education
  • The Hurt Locker ** WINNER **
  • Inglourious Basterds
  • Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire Lee Daniels
  • A Serious Man
  • Up
  • Up in the Air

Best Director

  • James Cameron
 (Avatar)
  • Kathryn Bigelow
 (The Hurt Locker) ** WINNER **
  • Quentin Tarantino
 (Inglourious Basterds)
  • Lee Daniels
 (Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire)
  • Jason Reitman (Up in the Air)

Actress in a Leading Role

  • Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) ** WINNER **
  • Helen Mirren (The Last Station)
  • Carey Mulligan (An Education)
  • Gabourey Sidibe (Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire)
  • Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)

Actor in a Leading Role

  • Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart) ** WINNER **
  • George Clooney (Up in the Air)
  • Colin Firth (A Single Man)
  • Morgan Freeman (Invictus)
  • Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)

Actress in a Supporting Role

  • Penélope Cruz (Nine)
  • Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air)
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal (Crazy Heart)
  • Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
  • Mo’Nique (Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire) ** WINNER **

Actor in a Supporting Role

  • Matt Damon (Invictus)
  • Woody Harrelson (The Messenger)
  • Christopher Plummer (The Last Station)
  • Stanley Tucci (The Lovely Bones)
  • Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds) ** WINNER **

Best Original Screenplay

  • The Hurt Locker (Mark Boal) ** WINNER **
  • Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino)
  • The Messenger (Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman)
  • A Serious Man (Joel Coen & Ethan Coen)
  • Up (Bob Peterson, Pete Docter. Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy)

Best Adaptated Screenplay

  • District 9 (Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell)
  • An Education (Nick Hornby)
  • In the Loop (Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche)
  • Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire (Geoffrey Fletcher) ** WINNER **
  • Up in the Air (Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner)

Cinematography

  • Mauro Fiore
 (Avatar) ** WINNER **
  • Bruno Delbonnel
 (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
  • Barry Ackroyd
 (The Hurt Locker)
  • Robert Richardson (Inglourious Basterds)
  • Christian Berger (The White Ribbon)

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